St. Patrick’s Day … From the Serpents’ Perspective…

 

"Faith n' begora! Is it more booze ye be lookin' fer, lassie?"

I hate St. Patrick’s Day. 

Seriously. I hate it. Not only that…but I hate it for reasons that may surprise anyone reading this. Okay…”hate” might be too general of a word. Let me rephrase by saying…

I hate what St. Patrick’s Day has become.

St. Patrick’s Day isn’t some quaint little holiday to me about “Being Irish”. I am Irish…mother’s maiden name is Clancy. I drink single malt whiskey when I can manage it, and enjoy Celtic tunes. I even married a woman who plays fiddle in a Celtic rock band (Avalon Rising). I love green as a color in general …it’s a pleasant color – I think it goes well with my red hair.

Yet, I hate St. Patrick’s Day. 

St. Patrick’s Day is, technically, a celebration of St. Patrick (who wasn’t even Irish -he was the Roman-British born Magonus Succetus) driving “The Serpents out of Ireland” (about AD 387 – AD 461). This is misleading. There aren’t any snakes in Ireland…never were. The “Serpents” the legend is referring to are Pagans…whom Magonus “drove out” of Ireland by converting citizens of the country to the Roman Catholic faith. That’s fine, except this is AD 400 – when people were being tortured and burned in the streets (to cheering crowds) for their faith. SO…needless to say, like many missionaries of the time, Magonus’ actions merely spread persecution and hatred (even if their intentions are good).  

Hell…even if you go with the fact that Magonus wasn’t the “real” Patrick (there’s something called “The 2 Patricks Theory”…huh? TWO saints!?! WTF?) the initial “reason” to celebrate St. Patty’s Day is about the whole “snakes” thing. What? We’re celebrating intolerance (and genocide, frankly) wrapped up in a bright green mini-skirt with shamrocks on it? HUH!? 

Folks…We need to get our heads together!

We don’t celebrate Columbus Day by dressing up in paper conquistador helmets. We don’t celebrate Black History Month by holding 2-for-1 watermelon sales. We don’t have a St. Custer’s Day to celebrate the “martyrdom” of General George Custer’s “valiant efforts against the buffalo” (that last one is me being passionately sarcastic – Custer’s a dick too). Hell, I have a lot of Latino friends who think that Cinco de Mayo goes a little overboard with perpetuating stereotypes. It’s all about perspective.

I’m a pagan. Technically … I’m one of the Serpents … AND I’m Irish. This meaning behind the holiday is insulting to me.

Okay…the whole “meaning” thing aside. Let’s just say “Okay, ignore St. Pat, and let’s focus on how cool it is to be Irish.” Wait…by celebrating our heritage with racial stereotypes!?! Heavy drinking? Green beer? Leprechauns!?!

Let’s start with the drinking. Irish drinking is as much of a stereotype to me as watermelons. We’re not a bunch of red-haired alcoholics, folks! Jesus!

Okay…the green beer thing. Not ALL Irish like the Green thing, people. Some are the Orange variety (like my mom…who is probably wearing Orange today). People in Ireland are STILL fighting over it because of the Catholic/Protestant conflict. STILL! Yes…the hills of Ireland are lovely and green, but that’s NOT WHY THE GREEN IS THERE. It’s St. Patrick’s Day, and he was … BING! … CATHOLIC! Oh yeah, and that whole “pinch you for not wearing green thing”…that harkens back to religious conflicts in which they would do a WHOLE LOT WORSE to you if you weren’t wearing green. My mom almost got into a fight with someone for pinching her when she wasn’t wearing green.  

And Leprechauns…*sigh* … Must I really go there. Okay … here I go … Leprechauns are insulting on TWO levels for me. 1-They’re as much of a stereotype to me as “Lil’ Sambo”. 2-If you can take the stereotype thing…and you want to say, “Well, leprechauns are a tie to the mythological heritage of Ireland.”…it’s still insulting because you’re using one person’s image of faith as a joke to celebrate a faith that did its best to oppress another.

I’m not against being proud of being Irish. I’m against the double standards we have regarding holidays. We’ve boiled down every holiday from the kitchy fervor to what it REALLY means…EXCEPT for St. Patty’s Day. Columbus Day is viewed with scorn…why shouldn’t St. Pat’s? Oh…that’s right…because you have an EXCUSE to drink on St. Pat’s?

I have no real issues with Catholicism. No…Really, I don’t. Not for me. I was even baptized into the faith once. Just not for me. Bless folk of ANY faith for following their beliefs. But DON’T expect me to be pleased with anything celebrating religious oppression … no really, don’t.

I have no issues with big bashes of drinking, girls in green miniskirts, midgets dressed up, etc. 

I have no issues celebrating a rich culture, and remarkable heritage. Like I said, I’m Irish, and PROUD of it.

All I ask, is when you have that pint of Guinness or threaten to pinch someone for not wearing green…or put up a leprechaun decoration…just take a moment and have a little perspective on what the celebration is really about. 

As much as I hate being politically correct – I don’t do well with double standards. I’ll squawk less when it’s no longer named “St. Patrick’s Day”, and named “Irish Pride Day”… period. Until then, I’ll keep posting this rant every time I see green derby’s and shamrocks all over the place.